We all have different associations with the word ‘stress’ and the way we experience stress is also unique to each individual. Mild stress or ‘eustress’ can be very motivating for us as it acts like a stimulant in the body helping us to work to the best of our ability, firing up our systems and sharpening our minds. That said, we mostly hear about stress in a negative context, referring to unhelpful stress that causes high levels of stress hormones and strain on the immune system. We broadly know that stress is bad and that we should avoid it, or our health will suffer. In a 2018 survey conducted by YouGov, the largest survey of its kind, 74% of participants reported such high stress levels that they felt overwhelmed and inability to cope in the past year. And a study of workplace stress by Ciphr showed that 7% of people felt stress every single day in their job.
The words ‘inability to cope’ made me think about the reasons behind the chronic levels of stress we are experiencing in the current mental health crisis. We live in a digital age of convenience, when we can get what we need at the touch of a button, so why are we so stressed? Surely things are easier? Busier, yes, but is that it?
We have hundreds of stress relief options to choose from: self-help books, aromatherapy candles, massage treatments, oils and balms, exercise, yoga, mindfulness, retreats, breathing techniques, yet the prevalence of negative stress endures. There is a lot of advice about diet, lifestyle choices, therapies and daily habits for health. Workplaces are even attempting to alleviate the numbers of stress-related absence by offering more flexi-working opportunities, quiet spaces for reflection and regular breaks. This is good news, and surely a great idea anyway as humans are not machines. So, we have good knowledge of the problem and access to numerous ways of helping ourselves cope or better manage stress. But what causes it to become overwhelming, detrimental, and even dangerous for so many?
You might have heard older generations lamenting a simpler life just a few decades back. A ‘different world’ in the 70s and 80s or before when stress existed but not to the same extent. I grew up in the 80s and 90s and I remember more freedom and less structure as a child, but similar problems and challenges still existed. They, like us, went to work, had families, they all had bills to pay and homes to run. They had hobbies and did ‘keep fit’ with Jane Fonda. They had deadlines and errands, booked holidays, and used public transport. They lived in a world with risk, crime, and health problems yet stress and stress-related illness was not experienced on such a wide scale.
So here are 10 reasons I think modern living can lead to stress:
- Overload: We are constantly bombarded with messages causing us to make decisions or choices almost constantly throughout the day. Think of ‘helpful’ email notifications popping up when you’re busy working on something else. You have a phone, right? Enough said.
- Obligation: We are encouraged to fill up all our time because we ‘should’ be working harder, we should be exercising, we should be giving our children all of the opportunities, we should be eating healthily. And how about all those stress relief options!? The notion of doing nothing has become fraught with judgement and met with consternation.
- Self-fulfilling prophecy: We are told we don’t have time.. so we don’t. Messaging from advertisers, media tell us we don’t have time to do things so we need their convenience product. If we are told something enough times, our brain adapts to take it on as truth (neuroplasticity) and so we act accordingly.
- Dissatisfaction: We are encouraged to compare ourselves to peers exacerbating our list of ‘shoulds’ (holidays, fun parties, beautiful clothes). Social media is chronic for this, so if you’re feeling stressed consider giving it a rest.
- Impossible standards of perfection: linked to dissatisfaction, and impossible because either the goal is not realistic as it’s a distorted perception or the goal posts keep moving. I am going to put to you that perfect doesn’t exist.
- Pessimism and negativity: once you start looking out for this, you see the problem is everywhere. News headlines and updates, social media, other stressed people. We hear about every negative story no matter how rare or how far away.
- Stress relief activities: often feel like another stick to beat ourselves with because they just end up being added to the unending to do list. But don’t give up, you can do it more gently.
- Parenting styles: this is a big one but, in a nutshell, parents are afraid to let their children be in the real world so there are fewer opportunities to develop emotional resilience. This means they are more likely to experience stress negatively and feel they cannot cope.
- Narrow definition of success: We are obsessed with outcomes; the trophy, the finished article, a promotion, a new skill, or a holiday destination. We forget that life is about the journey and the process. It’s about seeing and breathing, experiencing, and interacting with the world around you.
- We’ve stopped listening to ourselves: many of us are so busy and distracted we don’t always know what we really feel or want anymore. Slowing down and checking in with ourselves is often replaced with the distraction of television or, more often, online activity.
We all have different combinations of genes, personalities, circumstances, histories, and cultures. The list is not exhaustive, and you may or may not relate to them. When it comes to mental health, usually it’s a combination of factors that come together to impact our thoughts, feelings and choices.
What now?
If you are feeling stressed, it’s useful to try out different techniques, strategies, or treatments to see what helps and suits you. Obviously if stress is affecting your ability to function and leading to other mental health concerns or physical symptoms, you need to seek the attention of a medical professional, your GP is a great place to start. But there are some things you can try to treat mild stress at home. Try to notice what your main stress triggers are in your day and write these down, mentally note what happens in your body when you become particularly stressed, look up some breathing techniques to calm and soothe yourself at quiet times like driving to work or when in the shower. Noticing your own thoughts and behaviours is a good first step. If you can, try to work with others around you on your stress because a stressed or negative attitude can be contagious! We are social animals, we take cues from each other and are communicating with each other all the time through body chemistry, body language, facial expressions, and of course verbal language. We’re always immersing ourselves in each other’s energy almost like emotional osmosis. So, the way the people around you handle, and experience stress could be as important as your own methods of coping. Finally, just keep working at it. Mental health is like physical health in that it needs constant work and good habits to maintain. Keep going!
Stress: statistics | Mental Health Foundation
Workplace stress statistics: how stressed is the UK in 2021? – Ciphr
CMP Talking Therapy 